The Significance of Two

I have written this book to learn.  Writing and speaking, doing and failing is how I learn.  I test things, submitting them to the internal grinders of my psyche, chewing on them, swallowing them and picking the grisly remainders out of my decaying chipping gaps in my aging teeth to see what remains in the undigested fragments.  It’s art really, a special type of musical mysticism that serves as something of a score for all I think, see and do.  I’ve never been able to just receive orders, directives, instructions – they don’t typically compute for me so I usually question or challenge them, refute them, refuse them.  I’ve had to, really, not as a means to be obtuse or bellicose, I just don’t know any other way.  Exhausting?  Can be.  But if I do not obey the approach, I have no real peace, happiness or joy.  It is how God made me that I have come to accept after years of trying to be and think like everyone else. It is not something I have created but how He created me.  So, while alienating in my childhood, and out of control most of the time, and in control at few others, in my fomented adolescence, presenting itself as a demon to be exercised or a devil to be exorcized (depending on the religious leader I consulted) I have, since 1997, started to see me, it, “the the,” as something that can be used for good – if I let Him act.  Catch that clearly – “if I let Him act.”  There is a two-way relationship expressed in this if you didn’t catch it.  As a created being made in His image, we are always free to let or to refuse and the Creator is always reaching out to act through us, but only with our permission, never by or through some Calvinistic devil imposing His will on and over us.  No, the living God, whom I submit my creature over to daily, is a gentle, considerate, kind God who loves, is love, and works by love.  And as a recipient of this abundant incomprehensible love, I willingly choose to humbly bow my head and accept His will, ways, and commands in and through how He made me to be.

Let this be known.

I have written to think.  Most people don’t understand the way I think so they naturally don’t understand what I write.  But I write to think.  Some people speak to think, others cogitate in silence.  I write then speak what I write because I have found that this method helps put form to invisible concepts which come from me and frankly nobody else.  Piaget explained that this was part of how some people learn.  In my case, I agree with his constructivist theory.  Whole-heartedly.  As I write I am able to vet what comes forth, rewriting and therefore rethinking all that comes forth.  It’s a process, self-imposed at times but all so very natural to me.  Thoughts. Words.  In this light I have never been too concerned with editing.  Critics mock this reality.  Too bad.  To edit, in my estimation, is to lean on fears of wanting to please, wanting to be accepted, wanting people to like what I have to say.  Same with being overly concerned with constructing moving sentences, using emotive words, literally decorating each paragraph so the reader will get absorbed.  I do not use words this way.  I use them to think.  Therefore, understand that the words and phrases I use are from me to you, authentically delivered and without any desire to impress you but only as a means to directly communicate with you from inside my head and heart.  There is a constant river of ideas flowing out and down toward an ocean of concepts and so I write to try and divert some of it then use it to capture something I can make tangible, fairly reasonable and relatable to myself first then to anyone who might be interested in what I’ve managed to pull from the daily deluge.  No, I do not use substances to think.  If I ever use substances, it is only to escape thinking. Not a lilli-second second passes-by where I am free from thinking, and therefore free from learning, which leads to writing.

I have written to teach.  Admittedly, while the processes mentioned might sound extremely self-important and indulgent, I am not self-satisfied with learning, thinking and writing alone.  Here is when the editing, self-editing, mind you, comes into play because one of the end-goals of learning and thinking through writing is teaching others about what I have come to see and believe.  Because most people do not understand my thinking, nor my writing, comprehending my teaching also remains fairly elusive.  But it’s a start in the right direction.  It’s not so much that my teachings are too difficult or deep to readily understand - I am by no means a scholar or intellectual. They are just difficult to fully get from the mind and hearts that God has so lovingly bestowed on others.  I have had to humbly come to understand this about how I communicate or teach.  I no longer see my thoughts or the way that I present them or discover them as wrong nor that others are right or better, instead it’s all a matter of other extremely complex and diverse human constructions trying to relate and comprehend my perspectives and perceptions which is really no easy task. 

After years of trying to figure out why these impasses to comprehension exist and ridding myself of the blame, I have labored to specifically categorize the way people receive, perceive and pursue spiritual understanding.  So, again, not specifically of the world and its orders (although I will allude to these things as well) but of the truth with a capital T with an assumption that one exists.  Understand, I am not suggesting that truth (with a capital T) is relative or subject to every individual point of view.   Instead, discerning the Truth (the Capital T) distinguishes it from all human wisdom and places it wholly in a bandwidth owned, operated and known by God alone). It is a relative human process, influenced and enhanced by numerous unseen factors that make comprehension difficult.   In this vain, we will begin by first trying to describe the four general approaches through which most people attempt to discern spiritual truths including the way I believe is most biblical in nature and therefore a tad bit closer to the Truth than all the others.  We will then go on to explain how through this means I have come to see the importance of two in all that the Living God personally is, all He has done, and all He has created us to be and do who are made in His image.

If you can hear and are willing to dance to this music, praise Him.  If the insights remain confusing or non-sensical please understand that there is a reason for this and it is not one of fault or blame, but lies in the gap between where I am and where you the reader are at the moment.  This gap is not one of better or worse, stronger or weaker, more correct or less.  It is a gap in exactly what should be all things considered – just like there is a gap between a freshman starting quarterback and a senior (at least in most cases).  It has to do with time, tenure, and interest in each variable that serves to make comprehension an equal playing field.  We should not see these levels or gaps as positive or negative, but exactly what they are supposed to be all things considered.  Instead of this being perceived as a problem, it should instead serve to help each person evaluate and re-evaluate themselves as we all try to amble forward in the walk of faith.  I wish any and every reader His eyes and ears as they test and vet every concept presented herein.  Mine are fading and cannot be trusted.  But He can.  Always.